We found hope in surrendering.

In the Old testament it says that Abraham had been given a promise of a son. For Twenty-five years he waited for God to keep that promise. God kept his word and gave Abraham a son named Isaac. And then this happened in Genesis 22:2

“Then God said, ‘Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.’”

Can you imagine what Abraham must have felt. He begged God for this son, he waited so long for this child and he finally had his boy, and now God was asking Abraham to give this child back to him?!  And somehow Abraham mustered up the faith to do just that. 

The Bible says it was a three-day journey that Abraham and Isaac took together. I wonder how many times during their journey, Abraham looked over at his son with tears streaming down his face knowing what was to come. 

For the last year we have cried, more like sobbed, with many of you, but to one person in particular, it has happened more often. I would tell her that I couldn’t do what the Lord was asking of us, that it was going to shatter me, shatter us and change everything and I desperately did not want it to change. Every time this conversation would come up between her and I, she would respond to me with, “I see a vision in my head of Abraham and Isaac and the faith it took for him to obey God.” And each time she would say this to me,  I would respond back with, “I do not have that kind of faith, I am not that strong. I can’t do this.”   I wonder if Abraham said something like that internally to God during his three-day Journey with his son to the top of the Mt. 

But still Abraham and Isaac eventually did reach the top of the mountain and In Genesis 22:9-12 it says, 

“He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham! Do not lay a hand on the boy.”

A few Monday nights ago, Ben and I reach the top of our mountain. I was laying on our bed and Ben was on his knees next to the bed. With a pen in his hand and a document between us that we both knew once signed would change everything forever. The grief was unbearable. I started sobbing in ways I have never cried in my entire life. Ben was also crying and he didn’t know what else to do, so he prayed. He asked the Lord to give us strength to hand our son over to him and that we both knew that He loved our son more than we did and to help us to trust that.  Then Ben stopped praying and said, “I feel that the Lord is asking us to dedicate little man’s life over to him at church this coming Sunday.” So after talking for a while together and with others people we decided that we would take that week and on that Sunday we would dedicate him and his life to the Lord. We went to bed that night smiling and something was lifted from us for that moment because, we knew we had a few more days with him, a few more days before our hearts shattered in ways we can’t describe. But three days later on that past Wednesday, we woke up like any other day and seemly out of the blue things came to light and transpired quickly regarding him and about where he was staying. Everything got flipped upside down and by 4 o’clock that afternoon he was home, in our house for the first time in 18 months. We still do not know what the future holds for him or for us as a family. But we did find hope in surrendering. 

God didn’t ask Abraham to surrender because he wanted to punish him, but because He wanted to bless him. And God did exactly that. When Abraham surrendered to God, God blessed him above and beyond. When we surrender, God blesses us and in our case he blessed us with hope. This doesn’t lesson the pain or struggles of this journey but it does give us hope and a trust that we needed in order to continue on. So no matter what God does in all of this, we are learning to trust and believe it will be good and perfect because God really does love him more. 

So in this moment and for the last 12 days, we are a whole family, under one roof and my heart is more at peace than it has been the last four years combined.IMG_2611

Victories and Struggles

Your child’s story is his to share….

It is and much of it is also our story.  Trust me only those closest to us know the deepest and darkest parts of our story. There are valleys of sadness that aren’t shared, mountains of victories left unsaid, days of desperation that only a few have held us through. Moments of great grief that I was literally carried, like, physically held and carried by family and friends, because I Just couldn’t. There are things ahead of us that most know nothing about. But I strongly believe our lives are meant to be shared and I hope I always share our story with dignity and truth, without compromising anyone’s own story. Sharing the hard parts comes with sharing the good. Isn’t it deceiving just a little to only share the victories and blessing, while leaving out the valleys and the storms? I have shared very openly of my childhood of abuse but I also left out a million pieces to the story and yet, what I did share, helped many, healed myself deeper and led me to a healthier and better version of me. A book came from it, a non profit was started and friends were made that will hopefully last a life time. All because I chose to share my heart. We live in a world of secrecy, privacy and where we only share what is safest with those that are safest. But what if our stories have bigger purposes than just for ourselves to learn from? What if what we walk through can help another person? Would you share differently if you knew it would? I know for me personally I am drawn to people that let folks into their own struggles and not just their victories. I share our world openly, because that’s me, I enjoy writing, I love what it has done for me personally and I love you all enough to let you in. One day I hope to share more of it and I pray it helps someone that’s also in the trenches of life. So many of your struggles and victories have blessed me and encouraged me to do more, love deeper and be braver than I was the day before and I am thankful you trusted me enough to let me in. Sharing parts of most areas of our life isn’t a bad thing, it’s an okay thing to do, even if it’s a little terrifying. Each and every time I have shared a part of us, I have always been scared with being so vulnerable, but so far, I have never regretted letting folks in.FullSizeRender

I had nothing left

Four weeks and two days ago, I looked up to see the strongest man I will ever know, weak in his knees, filled with overwhelming pain and desperation. In that moment, I knew it was as bad as I had thought. We were drowning trying to save our son. Our other children were seeing their parents fading away in front of their eyes, lost deep somewhere in a broken, dirty, trauma filled trench, desperate to save their son. I didn’t know where to turn, or how to get help, I just knew we needed it. I had nothing left.

Four weeks and one day ago, I screamed out in desperation for help. I was sinking, losing and terrified. My breath was gone, my endurance had been pushed to a ability above anything I could ever have envisioned. I had nothing left, but an empty bed.

Earlier today, I sat at a table, each chair was filled with therapists, doctors, high needs caseworkers, behavior coaches and family support therapists. I felt okay until I pulled into the parking lot, a instant sadness and grief engulfed me. I somewhat pulled it together and walked into the meeting. After the hello’s and small talk, our high needs laid it all out in front of me. I am not exactly sure when it happened or how, but as she talked, the room felt more and more as if it had been emptied of all the air or maybe it felt like there was too much air and the room was going to explode, I can’t quite explain it but it felt very real. As the room filled with that overwhelming feeling of pressure, I sat trying to listen to each person talk about their client or their patient, but all I was thinking about were his eyes, his empty bed, his untouched clothes and toys, his dry dinosaur toothbrush. I was thinking about my son. I felt such sadness in that moment, I wanted to leave, I wanted to be anywhere but there. I laid my head down as tear flooded my face and in that instant the room went silent for a moment. In these folders were information on therapeutic homes and they wanted me, this little boy’s mom somehow to pick the best home for him to live in. “It’s our home that’s best for him to live in,” I silently screamed inside. Eventually his team and I narrowed the folders down to a few that met his safety level and location. Towards the end of the meeting someone asked me if I had any more questions for the families and all I could think to say was, “will she pray with him, when she tucks him into bed each night, will she pray with him?” A response was given, “we can ask, when we meet her.” I then signed the papers needed and I walked out to my car where I cried the hardest I have ever cried in my life. I eventually went home, where I just couldn’t, so I put on my very dusty running shoes and started to run. I ran until all the emotional hurt turned to physical hurt. I ran until my head hurt as bad as my heart, until my shirt was as wet from sweat, as my face was from tears. I didn’t want to talk, I didn’t want to feel this. This was not how my family was suppose to be. Love was going to fix him, my arms were the safest place and yet it didn’t and they weren’t. I had nothing left, so I ran.

A HTCT home is a family setting with high needs trauma training and safe guards put into place that the average family can’t or doesn’t have the ability to do. The goal of these places is for both families to work together in therapies and in personal life to help heal the child and his family, while also keeping everyone safe. It sounds good on paper, it’s not the hardest thing to admit that this is bigger than us and we need help. But choosing, sending and letting go, there are no words in any dictionary that can accurately describe the anguish and heartbreak that comes with those words. I had nothing left, but to choose.

Our son is so little and so innocent. He didn’t ask for this trauma or how he acquired it. He isn’t able to do any different right now and this is the safest place for him, we know that. Somewhere in this story there will be a chapter that leaves us all cheering and praising Jesus for the victory in little man’s life. I know our son’s story doesn’t end here, it just can’t. He is worth fighting for. This is our hope and we are clinging to it with all we have. So if you are skeptical or not emotional attached, please fake it in front of us, we need that hope and we need others to have that same hope. We need to set our hearts and eyes on the chapter that leaves us all breathless in a good way. Today we are sad and have nothing left but hope and somehow that’s okay.

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Big things are still to come

On December 14th 2014 we brought into our home the oldest brother of a little girl that was in our home at the time. She ended up only staying about four months with us, until reuniting with her birth father. The little guy stayed for a short time longer until DCS placed him in another foster home that had his two brothers. The goal is always to keep siblings together if at all a possibility. We were pretty sad with him leaving but God allowed something that is very uncommon in the Foster care world, HE allowed this little guy to keep in touch with us and still come over for sleep overs, all because he asked his case worker, who saw past the red tape and saw what was most important, keeping relationships in tact, because it mattered to him, so it mattered to her. How awesome! Well, fast forward several months later, we got a call a few weeks ago saying this little guys case is going into adoption and would we be willing to adopt him. There was no hesitation at all, the answer was YES. The question that came next, is where it all got crazy real, what about his brothers? I was sitting in my car dropping my daughter off at her cousins when I got this call. I sat there for a moment and said, we just can’t right now with having the three little ones (one with very high needs) it would surely be too much. She understood and we went on with the thought of just adopting him. As life was challenging the next few weeks with caring for one of our littles that demanding so much of our time, energy and love we nearly couldn’t think of much more than that. We were in a constant state of alert, and the fight to help this child start to heal from the past life of hell they lived. We saw great steps of progress and great steps backwards also, but daily, a tiny, very tiny crack in this child’s shell was coming off, but we questioned if we could continue this fight that we were on and do so well with our other children much longer? Then we got a call last week that this child of ours would be reuniting with a family friend. Was this an answered cry? Or a million steps backwards for this precious child? It was now out of our hands, so we prayed and asked God to walk before and with this sweet child, always. We breathed, we rested and we enjoyed ourselves for a whole two days lol and then our little guy called and asked for another sleep over and we of course said yes and this time also brought one of his brothers for this sleepover. We had a great time and this is where we started talking, praying and gasping for air. Could we bring maybe just one of his brothers in? I mean they are sweet and we know them and if we love our guy so much how could we not love an extension of him? Then we talk to folks, ask for prayer and we observe what the dynamic would look like with a house FULL of crazy kids, as they all played and ran a muck this weekend in our home. The more we talked to folks, the more we prayed, the more we simply thought, the more we came to the same conclusion, we can’t separate these three boys and there is a real reason God kept them in our lives even after leaving our home. We had our church pray over us Sunday night and Monday morning I woke up around 5 am and kind of felt under qualified for such a giant life long task. So I talked a lot to God that morning laying in our bed, I asked Him could we really do this and do it without completely failing all our kids? Would there be enough of us for all of them? Then at about 5:40 am that same morning I received a text, from a sweet lady named Lynn from our church and she wrote, “Honestly, I feel that it will be just as overwhelming at times, as what you’ve been through recently. But I see you and Ben as giants, filed to the brim with love that good wants to overflow into these children he is bringing into your house. I know He sees your trembling heart, how could HE not? He has placed you into a loving caring community, not by accident. Have you ever heard of Buck Brannaham? He was raised by a couple that took in over 40 abused children. He was one of them. Check him out on FB. (He trains horses now using some of the techniques he learned from his adopted parents.) I think HE wants to stretch you further and HE is asking you to accept the challenge like queen Ester. You and Ben are here for such a time as this.” …..

….You see that big pause? Yea, that is what I did. I just stopped and thought, really God, you think we can do this? So after talking to Ben we sent a email to the boys case worker saying, we would like to be considered to adopt all three brothers. It’s not official and there are a few steps that have to be approved for it first, but if it is really God saying yes, then noting will stop it. If it’s not truly his will nothing can force it. Pray with us and we know it is a lot but we also know God, he is so much more than a lot.
So perhaps if He sees fit we will be parents to 8 beautiful children. How crazy, awesome and big fat scary our lives have changed in just under a year.

My first thoughts

I am the queen of distractions, of busyness and filling my free but often fleeting moments with pointless web browsing, TV channel flipping or doing anything but being still and silent. Am I the only person that has a hard time being still? I don’t mean being lazy. I can do lazy, I can do pointless things but being still and silent in His presence is hard, so hard for me actually. I try to get up before my crew to read the word, to wake up and be prepared to face the day, but often I wake and find myself first checking my phone, emails, Facebook, text and my list of appointments for the day. First, that is typically what my first is. My first thoughts are aimless, pointless and add no real value to my life or favor to my day. So, why do I do it. Why is sitting in a quite personal conversation with Jesus so hard for me somedays? My intentions are always good, really they are. I wake up with the heart to seek, to be, to learn and to be better than the day before, but distractions are every where, my mind being my biggest distraction. I finally sit down and open my bible to start reading and then I hear a conversation in my mind that goes something like this, ‘oh that coconut water downstairs sounds so good, should I take a quick shower before the kids wake up? I wonder what time I should leave to make it to the appointment I have down town? Oh yea, I am reading, where was I again.” Am I the only one like this? Do any of you find your brain just doesn’t do well with one task at a time? I am often texting, cooking, doing dishes and fixing a tantrum, all at once. Why? Why can’t I do one thing, at one time and do it really well. Some of it, I think is the gift of multi tasking but more of it is the gift of distraction and stress. My life is hectic enough and full of plenty of stuff to do. I need to simplify what I can, take away more of what doesn’t really matter, let go of the need to have things always okay and done. I need my savior and time with him each day, to be the best mom, wife and friend I can be. I need what he has for me each day and I don’t want to spend more of my days walking around as a half filled up cup of water!
Do you have distractions in your life, things that are keeping you from a close relationship with Jesus or maybe just genuine good relationships in your life? Let’s change these things together.M

Be carful what you ask for…

Standing in God’s will looks different for each of us, depending on where He places us. Ben and I are in a season full of blessings and love, but also sleepless nights, crazy tantrums and a open house full of social workers and therapist. We feel so called and yet somedays so inadequate to withstand the calling placed within our hearts. As I am up so often every night comforting our baby that because of her start in this world, sleep has never been a big part of her life, another that is often up crying for reason that right now only God knows why, and an immune system that seems to have forgotten how to work, I question if I am enough for these children, if my body can keep this up. If others not walking this path would even understand if I talked to them about it. We are normal folks, we love sleep, lazy days, date nights and all those simple things, but this season is different for us, it’s hard at times and I find it can be a lonely road because, talking with most people I find myself wanting to explain so much in hopes that they will see a glimpse of the reality in which I am describing.
Last night after I tucked in one of our littles who is a sweet, bossy and very independent little person, I found God working on my heart to see her as He see her and to have the kind of patients for her as He has for me. This was a few hours before I walked into her room and found her not wanting to sleep but, instead wanting to play. “Funny God, I get it. I wanted more patience, so you gave me a beautiful opportunity at 1:30 in the morning to practice using this gift I asked for.” This was all while we were still up with a very fussy baby that didn’t want to sleep, which isn’t unusual at all but after the patience test, i had to laugh in order to not cry. Shortly later I found myself laying in bed with our beautiful 9 month old princess, who was breathing very heavy while squirming with what seemed like pain on my chest. I hummed softly in her ear and that’s when she did it, when she reminded me how crazy love is, she laid her arm across me and patted my chest until she finally feel asleep early this morning. Even though I was dead tired, I laid there in that exhausted moment and thanked God for this kind of love and humbleness in my life. I don’t always like the dirty parts, but I will never be caught saying, that I don’t love this season because, Ben and I, even though today are completely dead tired, have still caught moments of looking in each other’s eyes and both saying the same thing with a look, “we are so thankful for all of these children that are teaching us more about love and getting out of our own wants than any other thing has ever done. Oh, and that we should take turns getting a nap in today.” 😉
I was guiltily once upon a time of thinking people that were walking this path were just being to hard, to strict and that all they had to do was give a little more love. Love does win and it will cover a multitude of sins, but it isn’t all that is needed in putting very broken children back together. They are fragile, they have sharp pieces of glass that can cut and hurt us all over them. They are younger mentally then their age and yet know so much more then their tiny amount of years should know. I was wrong for thinking I got it, I was wrong for doing anything more then being a good friend with two open ears. I was wrong to say, love is all you need. We need patience, endurance, Jesus and a few good friend that even if they don’t get it, understand enough of what a phone call or text of encouragement will do for a very tired soul. Thank you to my few that some days are what God uses to carry us through. ❤

Stolen Voices

We have six children in our home, three of which are under three years of age, as you can guess, life can get crazy busy and hectic around here at times. Sometimes we feel as though we just don’t have enough time to follow through, to go the extra step or always be consistent, but we don’t have that option, at least not with some of our kiddos. Our two toddlers come from horrendous abuse, neglect and because of this, the results are, they don’t communicate well, they shut down, they hide, they run, they have melt downs for what seems like no reason at all, to the unknowing eyes. As the parent, we will ask a simple question, in which we get a blank stare that is often filled with fear. It goes something like this, “Hey sweet heart, do you have to use the restroom?” In which, we get two glossy eyes starring back at us and usually an accident to follow, because of the fear an adult talking to them will do. One of our littles is an amazing talker, she sings every word to every Frozen song there is, she talks and talks the ears off to our children, but the moment an adult, whether Ben or I or her preschool teachers speak to her directly, she shut down, instantly. It can be so frustrating to say the least, but not at the children as much as the horrible adults that caused these pains in these babies. I often wonder if these adults could see the day to day horrific pain they have caused, would they get it? Would they weep with remorse, would they give up the fight and let these babies go to a better home? The external scars on these babies have all healed up, but the day to day fight by us, of being constant, being present, working tirelessly to connect and restore has just begun. Everything isn’t better the day they are removed from the care of their abuser, to me, it seems that’s the day the pain really begins. These children are use to the chaos, neglect and abuse, so bring them into a home with rules, love, boundaries and little, to no chaos and they will fight it, they will crave it, they will demand it to return, so they can feel normal and at peace again. So what do we do? We resist, we love, we fight them and we stay constant, day after day and night after night, until one day it starts to click. We say, “I love you” several times a day to our children and one of our littles response is always the same, she turns her head, says, “no” and walks away, until last night, she looked at my daughter and said the words back to her. Maybe she has never heard those words before, maybe those words were always attached to pain, there are a million maybes of why they do what they do and maybe we will never know, but today my heart is frustrated, broken and determined to give these babies back their voice. I hate what they have gone through and I hate that so many abusers get so many chances at the cost of children, but right now, they are here and while they are, if all they ever receive from us is to know what love feels like and find their voice, I will know we have done our job. #lovewins

Do you do it for the money?

I can admit that prior to becoming a Foster parent myself, I always wondered why so many Foster folks had such large families. Was it the money or maybe they had a Mother Theresa complex, because it’s so rare to see a small foster family these days. Whenever you watch television they are great at sending a false message of what foster families look like and maybe I was a little guilty of believing things I knew nothing about. Why couldn’t I and others see these folks as having a heart for children, a heart to serve, a heart to help while stretching outside of themselves. Why are we so quick to pass judgment on people and their lives? I am part of a private Foster parents page and so many are sad or struggling with the loss or judgment from family and friends. So often they are not asked to participate in outings or events because many of the kiddos they are loving on have pains and issues that are hard to deal with, especially in public situations. I also hear many feeling isolated by family because, well, ‘they did it to themselves,’  because, really, they did. They didn’t have to help this child or add one more to the mix, they could of stopped and let someone else take care of this child. So when they are having a hard day, who do they vent with or ask advice from when the ones that should be their support are busy judging. What if they didn’t do it to themselves, what if they don’t do it for the money, what if Mother Theresa is a saint many would never try to even compare their lives to.

Lets start with how they did it to themselves. They did cause less sleep for their life, less alone time, less money to go around and less adult time, but, lets stop and think what they really did when they brought that last baby in to their home. They added life to a family, extended their hearts to love more, they chose love over comfort, they chose to take the bible and Gods command to love all orphans as literal and not just some old ancient words. If you are a parent of any number of children, by birth, adoption of fostering you know it can be hard and exhausting and every parent has their days where they need to vent. That need doesn’t change because they are not biologically there children. Be an ear, bring a meal or share a glass of wine with the Foster parent in your life. They just like before, have days where they still need YOU.

I love Mother Theresa, that lady will always hold rockstar status in my eyes, she didn’t own much of anything, spent her days in poverty, served others and only asked for Gods sustaining power to carry her through. She was one of a kind and not many folks are like her and not a single foster parent I have met is trying to be her. They all have things like; t.v’s, cars, homes, clothes, go on some kind of vacations, whether big or small. They are just regular folks that have seen the need and how desperately children in our own backyards need us all to help them. So they stepped up and did what they can, even if that looks different to you, don’t judge them, because trust me, what they are doing isn’t always easy and they don’t do it for the kudos, they do it for the love of the child. I know that a small portion of foster families are bad and have unclean motives, but don’t let that small one percent, cause your taste buds to turn sour over what your friends or family next to you are doing. Join them, invite them over for a BBQ, hear their stories and share in their passion. Encourage them it will mean the world to them.

They do it for the money I bet. I was someone that thought this notion prior to becoming a Foster parent myself, that money had to be at least a small motive, because how could anyone open their home and lives to multiple children that are not their own, if it’s not about the money, right? For the average foster child in Arizona it breaks down to a whopping 63 cents per hour that the Foster family gets. That is 63 cents an hour to be a full time taxi driver to multi doctor and therapy appointments and also pick up and drop off at visits each week with the child’s bio parents, where once you pick that child up, you quickly turn into a therapist to their broken and confused little hearts. Your ability to transition into a Dr. happened often also as you have to take care of immune issues, lice, abuse, fears of showers, cars, the darkness, bed wetting, tantrums and you quickly learn you could make double the money part time, at minim wage and have nights and weekends off and not spend your nights holding a crying child that is scared of God knows what. Then you feed them and my Lord do these kiddos eat, I mean eat. One of mine gained four pounds the first 10 days he was in our home. The real fear of starvation is a strong force so many of these kids have, which causes them to never want to go hungry again, so they eat, gorge, hoard and are always looking for their next meal. Oh yea, did I mention they also usually come to your home with just the dirty clothes on their backs, rarely with even shoes on their feet? So these families get a child and run out to a store to get the basics that day of what they will need. So yes, they do need the money, because I know for so many they couldn’t do it without that extra help, but it’s not what they do it for, because 63 cents an hour just doesn’t cover all they do. Next time you have a bag of hand-me-down kid clothes, maybe instead of Goodwill, you could bless a Foster family in your life with them, because they will be used and so greatly appreciated.Roll-of-money

I am sure Ben and I have people that we don’t know about casting judgment our way, but we have way more casting love our way. I am so blessed, our life is full of people that are supportive and encouraging, from church, to family and friends, but most Foster families do not feel this way. Lets change that. The next time you catch your self wanting to judge or roll your eyes at the momma with many kids in tow, don’t, instead, lend a hand, a meal, encouragement, love and just watch and see just how far that love will go. #lovewins

Growing……

Our family grew by two feet, two beautiful brown eyes and one beautiful, strong and independent little girl this week. We went back on the call list and received several calls in a very short time period. This whole process can be so overwhelming at times to say the least. How do you say yes to one, and say no to all the others? There are parts of this whole journey that are hard on a momma’s heart, but through circumstances and a failed attempt at bringing home a little guy first, the last call I took was for a beautiful little princess and she is perfectly perfect. If I haven’t said it before, you should know, I love this calling, I just freaking love it, even the no good, exhausting days, because the next day is a new day to start over and try again.

Priorities change as love grows

We have one open bed, meaning, we can, if we chose have one more sweet child come into our home. Six kids is a little scary to me, for three months, awhile back we had six kiddos and it was hard, rewarding and worth it, but, it was still six kids. We are waiting and praying but it seems God keeps tugging at our hearts about bringing another kiddo into our home. So many things cross my mind, we have the whole five kid thing down pretty good, our life works and flows pretty good too, do we really want to change that? Then on the other hand I think how my comfort, sleep and easy flowing life shouldn’t be what keeps us from bring another child into our home. Last week, on just one night, in just one DCS office in Phx. there were over 30 kids sleeping in the office. That means, kids sleeping on floors, next to DCS workers desks, no showers, no real beds, no HOME, all because there is no where for them to go. So, maybe my priorities changed as God has been reveling truth to my heart. Yes, somedays I want life simple and easy but God hasn’t called any of us to a life of leisure, security, or easy. He sent Jesus as the example of what our lives should look like and that is humbling because His whole 33 years on earth was spent serving, loving and giving of all of himself for others. If my life is to even slightly imitate Jesus’ life I can’t be worried if I will sleep 8 hours every night, be able to watch my favorite t.v. show each night or keep my life flowing smoothly. He said “follow me and I will make you fishers of men.” He wants us to follow him, live his life style, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who had no home, dirty feet and sacrificed His life for others. Wow, loving is hard and loving people the way God has asked us too, is crazy hard, but find one person at the end of their life that will say it wasn’t worth it to love another person unselfishly. I dare you, because I don’t think you will find one

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